About An Hour of Song​-​In​-​An​-​Hour

by Tripod

/
1.
02:42
2.
One, two, three, four-sooth! That's one! Do you believe in love? Well, Willie Shakespeare had something to say about it. And it goes something like this: I worked hard to be a star Who do these young folks think they are? If Nicole Kidman can sing I can do Shakespeare I can see myself standing on a battlement Wearing a... conical bra Eight muscle men surround me as I descend the stairs And play Henry IV And when I read the morning news And when I read the morning news My show will open to... reviews I worked hard to be a star Who do these young folks think they are? If Nicole Kidman can sing I can do Shakespeare Then I'll break new ground - the first white female To play... the role of Othello I could add a plot point involving an antique shotgun And a diamond heist Full of Cockneys for effect Full of Cockneys for effect Just so my husband can direct Oh, Guy, will you direct my play for me? You'll be perfect for the bard-man As long as it involves an antique shotgun And Vinnie Jones as a hard man We'll be laughing all the way to the Banquo... I could make a book of nudie pictures of myself As all the various characters Picture Macbeth hitchhiking, with a dagger in one hand And his arse in the other A documentary, just for truth A documentary, just for truth And now I have to say "forsooth" I worked hard to be a star (In the background) Forsooth... forsooth... forsooth... forsooth.. Who do these young folks think they are? Forsooth... forsooth... If Nicole Kidman can sing Forsooth... forsooth... that's eleven I can do Shakespeare One, two, three, four-sooth...
3.
Hello Australia - Bill here Well, I haven't been down under for quite a while It's great to see you Austrians speak such good English Hey hey hey. Hey, I say "gee-day" Well, I'm shopping 'round the same speech All around the world My head is in a spin 'Cause I think I met a girl Hey hey hey I found love in the arse-end of the world Good day... good day Australia. This is your Queen I haven't been down under for quite a while I love the way you colonials touch me on the back Hey hey hey. I say "good day" Look, it's the Queen's English. That means that it's MY English, so if I say "blegurgh", you have to include it. Go on, put it in a sentence Err... I blegurghed the shops... Excellent, excellent Well, I've been waving my white glove From a bullet-proof van But I never felt safer Than with this crude Southern man Hey hey hey I found love in the arse-end of the world I did not have sex with that woman. We were making sweet, sweet love. It was too beautiful to use such a crude term. We were humping like two wild buffalo and I will not reduce it to some base animal act. Gotta tell you though - she's a hellcat! I found love in the arse-end of the world Bill, you send electricity up my spine I think that's your pacemaker, but Lizzie, that's just fine Hey hey hey I think I'll stay Well, Bill, I think that you and I might marry I love the way you get along with my grandson Harry Hey hey hey Hey hey hey Well, I like the little kid He really gets good weed And me and him get whacked And then we watch the Matrix Hey hey hey Then we all get the munchies And 7-11 on the corner looks quite nice He has chips, and I have potato chips And I have crisps... and vanilla slice I found love in the arse-end... Maybe you can be the new Governer-General I found love in the arse-end... Maybe you in turn, can be my new intern I found love in the.. Arse-end... Arse-end... Arse-end... ...of the world!
4.
In the beginning When there was nothing God said "Let there be rock" Then he changed his mind and came up with me Bowp! Bow bow bowp! Then there was Moses Turning sticks into snakes Man, the drugs were good back then If you burn enough bush you could part the Red Sea Bowp! Bow bow bowp! God said, "Let there be light Let there be a stage Wall-to-wall midriffs and ambiguous breast size" You have the right If you're underage you'll understand what this recording is reporting It's the Gospel... According to Me Then all this other stuff happened I'm not clear on the facts - Some sort of exodus Must be a road trip with a coming of age David and Goliath Had some sort of romance, I think In Soddom and Gomorrah And they were turned into pillars of the community Bowp! Bow bow bowp! God said, "Let there be light Let there be a stage Wall-to-wall midriffs and ambiguous breast size" You have the right If you're underage you'll understand what this recording is reporting It's the Gospel According to Me Okay, time for the Latin stuff! Arrriba! (trumpet noises) According to me... Everybody wore rags but they didn't make it look good like I do According to me... Everybody was a virgin but they didn't make it look good like I do According to me... You didn't need to raise from the dead if you had decent management like I do According to me... According to me... God said, "Let there be light Let there be a stage Wall-to-wall midriffs and ambiguous breast size" You have the right If you're underage you'll understand what this recording is reporting It's the Gospel... aaaaaaccording to Me
5.
02:55
Twenty twenty-two, the year of the robots How do they spend their time, those fun-loving robots? Building themselves a brave new world How do they find time to oil themselves? And who takes care of the robots' little ones? Ahhh... ahhh... Ahhh... ahhh... Ahhh... ahhh... Robots! Time hasn't been kind to the Wiggles They're more machine now than man, twisted and evil One of them is just a head in a jar One is a projected hologram And Jeff is cryogenically asleep Hot potato... hot potato... Cold spaghetti... cold spaghetti... Ahhh... ahhh... Ahhh... ahhh... Ahhh... ahhh... Ahhh... Taking their place amongst the non-human race Whirrrr... whirrrr... The Wiggles have diversified their ways Zzzzap.... The children are raised in bio-nutritional pods So there's not much call for their humorous displays The Wiggles roll around Tending to the bug-like robot children Humanity is just a memory on a dusty set of disks Twenty twenty-two, the year of the Wiggles Betraying all their friends to the powerful robots Dorothy the Dinosaur was debunked as an evolutionist myth And Occy the Octopus was fished to extinction By the Japanese... the robot Japanese The robots' terrible reign did not last for ever A disgruntled Captain Feathersword, dissatisfied with his current weaponry Raised an army of clones from genetic samples taken from our greatest warrior And rescued what was left of the human race, crucifying the Wiggles for their betrayal Holy smoke, that was close! Ahhh... ahhh... Ahhh... ahhh... Ahhh... ahhh... Robots!
6.
Since the beginning of time I've been able to rhyme The kids never gave me trouble, they could never burst my bubble I was growing stubble at the age of five An individual feature, it'd impress the lady teachers But the principal never saw the funny side He would send me home all alone, with my Mum working at the phone company There'd never be anyone around to comfort me I see... the me... I tried... to fly... but why... do I... Rely on an itty-bitty blanket? I'll cry... if you... refuse... to use... A little bit of class, my arse is on the line here I'm confessing a line, I'll confide I'd never be the man I am without the love my woobie provides Come on! Not without... Not without... Not without... My Woobie Not without... Not without... Not without... My Woobie Not without... Not without... Not without... It's a blanket which is discoloured on account of saliva As I stand in a court of law, awaiting my sentence for all the things that I did Poisoning all the kids' minds, and pretending to kill my wife Kim And befriending Sir Elton John I'm sorry for that, I'm sorry for that I won't apologise for killing a cat, or drowning a bat, but I'm sorry for that I hope God's not a faggot And will the members of the jury please stand up? I'm going to enter my plea, 'cause I'm guilty And I'd do it again, but when you put me away today I hope and I pray I can sway y'all Don't fai-oll me, let me take my woobie into jai-oll Not without... Not without... Not without... My Woobie Not without... Not without... Not without... My Woobie Not without... Not without... Not without... Dynamite, you should thank me 'Cause I'm slim, never skanky Laughing all the way to the bank-y It's just me and my blankie Dynamite, you should thank me 'Cause I'm slim, never skanky Laughing all the way to the bank-y It's just me and my blankie Yo, and when I'm in the ground, and when I'm in the ground And my rappin' is over and I'm heavenly-bound And if I go supernova I'll be up in the clouds The shroud I burned out, but I'm proud 'Cause I was too loud for you, and I was head of the crowd St. Peter, what a treat-a, nice to meet'cha, nice white sheet-a Won't you lead the way through the heavenly gate? But wait... Not without... Not without... Not without... My Woobie Not without... Not without... That's Egg Carton playing the guitar y'all Not without... My Woobie Not without... Not without... Not without... Dynamite, you should thank me 'Cause I'm slim, never skanky Laughing all the way to the bank-y It's just me and my blankie
7.
Goodbye little alarm clock You've given me great times But lately time's been slipping away from you Why you've given up on me I don't know Alarm clock don't be sour Your losing all you power It's your eleventh hour Time to go I got you when i was 10 Things were simpler then You woke me up in time For the early bird show And later on that day You woke me up okay In time for Simon Townsend's Wonderworld I slept a lot as kid Oh alarm clock All those things we did Well you didn't do much You just sat there making noise And now thats what I do for a living Goodbye little alarm clock You've given me great times But lately time's been slipping away from you Why you've given up on me I don't know Alarm clock don't be sour Your losing all you power It's your eleventh hour Time to go And when my teenage years unfurled When I brought home a girl You sat and watch And never judged me once But no matter who it was They came second because Alarm clock it's always your face that I saw I was pretty weird kid They said I loved you and I did But the can keep their skateboards Cos you go backwards and forwards Not unlike words like Glenelg or Boob Goodbye little alarm clock, goodbye How could I ever replace you Maybe I should get one of those Atomic Clocks that would suit me just well Why you've given up on me I don't know Alarm clock don't be sour Your losing all you power It's your eleventh hour Time to go
8.
Now, my new Crocodile Hunter movie is going to be huuuuuge, combining all the elements of great Aussie movies, like "Careful He Might Hear You", "The Sum of Us", and "Mad Max". We got Midnight Oil and Jebediah in to do the music, and those crazy whackjobs Tripod to do the lyrics and the words Outside the steaming deserts of Pine Gap The swamps of Uluru The snow-capped peaks of Alice Springs The desert monkeys of Broome You'll find him with his hunting stick And his hunting hat and gloves He's not afraid of anything - no missiles or no guns He's not afraid of ordering seafood on a Monday But ever since the generals dropped their bombs at Katherine Gorge The crocodiles mutated into giant beasts of war Super-intelligent-nightmare-visions-of-the-future Somebody's got to stop them Who's going to save the world Now the crocodiles have taken over? Radioactive beasts Feasting on the children Only one man can Only one man can The mighty stubby-wearing Hunter Man He's got all the toys A post apocalyptic rocket car Tina Turner in chain mail Just to add a bit of glamour A little kid with a silver boomerang That'll cut your hand clean off The crocodiles make their outposts Out of disused cars and aircrafts The heads of past croc-hunters On pikes along the road There's Paul Hogan's head Glistening in the sun The Leyland Brothers, Alby Mangles Something for everyone And as the Hunter faces them alone His battle cry rings across the sun-bleached bone: "Lucky that my breasts are small and humble So you don't confuse them with mountains." Who's going to save the world Now the crocodiles have taken over? Radioactive beasts Feasting on the children Only one man can Only one man can The mighty stubby-wearing Hunter Man Who's going to save the world Now the crocodiles have taken over? Radioactive beasts Feasting on the children Only one man can Only one man can The mighty stubby-wearing Hunter Man
9.
I want you now... I want you now... Nyew-nye-nyew-nye-nyew-nyew-nye-nyew... Nyew-nye-nyew-nye-nyew-nyew-nye-nyew... Nyew-nye-nyew-nye-nyew-nyew-nye-nyew... Nyew-nye-nyew-nye-nyew-nyew-nye-nyew... Ever since I see yo in "Blame it on Rio" Not talkin' 'bout Michael Caine in his Speedo Saint Elmo, fire in the hole Won't go Rob Lowe, give me Demi-mo, come on! Mo and mo and mo and mo and mo... Mo and mo and mo and mo and mo... We're not talking about Moe from the Simpsons, no That'd sound like this: (Moe voice) Hey Homer! You're the only one I want to see, now You left Bruce to come to me, now Gimme more, gimme more, Moore Demi now I want you now... I want you now... You know, maybe I'll go out with a movie star-o She won't ever leave me like Dave Navaro Come on, do you mind, do you play guitar-o? Nyew-nye-nye-nyew... nyew-nye-nye-nyew... I'll take that as a "no"... You're the only one I want to see, now You left Bruce to come to me, now Gimme more, gimme more, Moore Demi now Lemme, lemme, lemme, let me disrobe you Just like Michael Douglas did in "Disclosure" But I won't go harassment if you let me please ya Lemme, lemme, Demi, let me striptease ya Here's another one for the very well-read "Demi Mort" is French, and it means half-dead! Nyew-nye-nyew-nye-nyew-nyew-nye-nyew... Nyew-nye-nyew-nye-nyew-nyew-nye-nyew... Nyew-nye-nyew-nye-nyew-nyew-nye-nyew... Nyew-nye-nyew-nye-nyew-nyew-nye-nyew... Don't let let this message get back It might spark a furore If you don't mention the sock on his sack I won't mention The Juror Come and see me, Demi You're the only one I want to see, now You did Hudson Hawk, now you drive me insane You left Bruce to come to me, now I don't know about you, but gee, I'd Jane Gimme more, gimme more, more Demi now You're the only one I want to see, now You left Bruce to come to me, now Gimme more, gimme more, Moore Demi now I want you now...
10.
Just another happy day in Urine Town There's nothing to damp your mood or get you down In Urine Town We don't have problems That we can't work out Wee, wee, weeeee... In Urine Town Hey Mister, I'm new in town, can you show me the way to the theatre? I've just come all the way down from Pissburgh And I'm going to make it big! I'm going to write my name on every wall in town! You might as well go home, son You might as well go home The urine factory's closed And you (mutters incomprehensibly) Sorry? You might as well go home... No, no, no, move on, next There used to be a steady stream of gold here And now it's wet and cold here Since the urine factory closed down What's wrong with you, Mister? I'm so pissed Right Excuse me Who are you? I'm the guy who tells you about the town meeting Town meeting? I'd better go! (Assorted people talking at once) Order! Order! It's all gone to piss here in Urine Town It's all gone down the drain Nothing gets passed here In Urine Town What are we gonna do? We might as well go home... Oh, don't listen to him, he's pissed Order! The mayor wants to speak Order, yes! Yes, it's all gone to piss here in Urine Town But if we all pull together as a team We can push through the pack here in Urine Town It's not over 'till the siren goes in Urine Town If we kick another goal here in Urine Town... Yes, but what are we going to do? (Interrupting) Oh, excuse me. I've got an idea! Awww... he's my favourite guy! Sorry, I wrecked it, do it again It's my favourite Go on Yes, but what are we going to do? Yeah! All right, okay Umm... "Yes, I liked Tripod, but it was predominantly stupid voices" I've got an idea. I've come from Pissburgh and we do things differently up there Did you know you can make your own urine? Sounds of disagreement) That's preposterous! Hear me out! Preposterous! Preposterous! Preposterous! Hear me out! Preposterous! Hear me out! Preposterous! Hear me out! Preposterous! Hear me out Preposterous Hear me out Preposterous Hear me out Preposter... It's your line ... terous (Realising) Oh (Female voice) Wait! Wait! Wait! Shh! Quiet everyone, quiet (The audience is silent) No, quiet! I believe in him She was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen Skin as white as porcelain... Take your glasses off and let your hair hang down Eyes as blue as the bluest water you can imagine A handy duck-shaped neck, for getting at those hard-to-reach places I felt that until this moment I had pissed my life against the wall So come on, everyone! Why don't we do things our way? Get in a circle and pull your pants down! From now on, the future is in your own hands! The future's bright and clear in Urine Town... From that day on, everyone made their own urine... You can hear for miles around the hissing sound... And we broke off the yoke of corporate oppression... In Urine Town... And I married that girl... In Urine Town...
11.
Twenty-one things I don't want in a lover Twenty-one things I don't want in a lover If you're in this list, don't even bother You're one of Twenty-one things I don't want in a lover For a start, I don't like dead people Or people who have been dead I hate people who play racquet sports They make me see red People who have long showers They're so selfish, People who have cats, who are cats, or like the musical "Cats" In fact, I'm going to have to lump all animals, insects, and fish into one category Otherwise I'd end up with twenty-one things and still have billions to go Twenty-one things I don't want in a lover Twenty-one things I don't want in a lover If you're Keith Richards or Danny Glover Then you're one of the things I don't want in a lover If you've ever been sprung picking up boys in Government cars, allegedly If you've ever made crap television shows then there'll be two in the family If you've ever been sprung having sex with your best mate's missus, allegedly Unless I'm the missus - ha! - which I wouldn't be I-I-I... I-I-I-I-I... I-I...haven't written any lyrics for this bit I hate Van Halen, there, I said it "Mission Brown" is not one of my favourites I once played God in a movie and I didn't like the caterer People who listen to music while making love, especially if they're wearing headphones I'm sick of meeting men with rare or pedigree cheese in their pockets. Twenty-one things I don't want in a lover Twenty-one things I don't want in a lover I can't get close to you if you're made of lava Then you're one of twenty-one... Tripod: ... things I don't want in a lover. I-I-I... I-I-I-I-I... I-I... Scod: ... liked this bit so much I did it twice. Yon: Yeah! Yon: Twenty-one... Tripod: ... things I don't want in a lover, Yon: Twenty-one... Tripod: ... things I don't want in a lover. Yon: If you're better than me on a harmonica, If you didn't buy my second album, If you're one of those three members of Tripod, Then you're one of Twenty-one things I don't want in a lover.
12.
Joining today's modern defence force is hard enough First you have to choose Navy, Air Force, Army, Kiss Army, Salvation Army Army of Darkness But even once you've chosen you have to make the grade I'm way to skinny for the army Way to slender for the job What can I do if my country doesn't want me Cos my talents only stretch to mini-golf I'm way to unco for the army All that running through car tyres I guess that would come in handy If you invaded a country Whose terrain was all car tyres But I'm skinny and I'm clever Maybe now more than ever The technology has caught up with me If wars have gone all electronic I could fight them with my joystick As long as they bring pizza to me Then I could be in the army It's not tricky to imagine Me in a bunker at a screen Controlling reconnaissance robots Maybe mine detecting robots Even robots who run though tyres But I'm skinny and I'm clever Maybe now more than ever The technology has caught up with me If wars have gone all electronic I could fight them with my joystick While watching McCloud's Daughters on T.V. Then I could be in the Army I was never good at Pac Man But at Defender I'd light up the skies I was never good at Frogger It's much too much like hopping over tyres And if I don't get in the Army I could become an Evil Mastermind Live in an underwater tower And wearing shiny skivvies all the time That would be fine But I'm skinny and I'm clever Maybe now more than ever The technology has caught up with me If wars have gone all electronic I could fight them with my joystick As long as they bring pizza to me Then I could be in the Army
13.
It's a happy old life being a smurf We don't have a worry or care on the earth We love all of the sights And the sounds and the smells Except for that dirty old Gargamel Now the only imbalance I see in smurf land Is there's only one female from west to the east (Lady Smurf) Everyone's had her except Papa Smurf Cos he's training to be a Catholic Priest But Lady Smurf has decided to charge She's so in demand that she's charging a fee She's so busy fucking there's no time for me Well I buff the floors of Smurf land you see And they never made a figurine out of me I'm just Floor Buffer Smurf I'm on-one in her eyes So she's been hanging out with those popular guys And there's so many smurfs that they sell at BP She loves all the others so why not me There's King Smurf and Skate Smurf And Massive Cock Smurf (which strangley they never made a figure out of but i could understand why she'd want to hang out with him) But Lady Smurf has decided to charge She's so in demand that she's charging a fee She's so busy Smurfing there's no time for me (Excuse me how much for a Smurf job That'll be eight Smurfs Now do you want me to Smurf you while I Smurf you Actually no I just want you to Smurf me off) Well my name finally made it to the top of her list But I was out buffing some floors that day My housemates name matched with the one on her list So she went to Smurf him but he was gay Shaggy! But Lady Smurf has decided to charge She's so in demand that she's charging a fee She's so busy shagging, there's no time for me
14.
06:05
One! Two! Three! Oh lover I've been missing you so long Can't recover So I have to sing this song No other I'm dying from this long-distance love Lover Don't wanna Be without you any more Was a gonna When you walked right out my door No funn-er Wanna pack right up and go do a runner In my Torana Though we may poke out our pelvis This bit isn't very Elvis-y But this bit iiiiiiisssssssssss... Don't need no banker or no lawyer Don't need no naval destroyer Don't need to loiter in no foyer I'm far away from you And every day I bleed So won't you tell me what I need... Doctor Spoya? I'm heartbroken I just can't concentrate I'm not jokin' I've made some terrible mistakes... ... since we've spoken I fed my favourite fish with Epsom Salts Now they're chokin' Man, once I fed my fish with Epsom Salts, they're almost relaxed to death Man, my fish are so chilled out, they're like gangster rappers They're like Cyprus Hill fish I was on a roll Just swimmin' round my bowl Put me in a weird mood Epsom Salts in my food! Now I breakdance and I spin With my flappy-flappy fins, and the... (Pause) No! That was good! They liked that! Yeah, all right. Thank you for coming round That is not how fish rap! Give me a beat... How do fish rap? I'll show ya... Gurgle, gurgle, blubb, blubb, gurgle, gurgle... Yeah, fine, thanks... Don't need no Janet or no Toya Don't need no Bert or no Moira You're my Helen of Troy-a I'm far away from you And every day I bleed So won't you tell me what I need... Don't need no Huck Finn or Tom Sawyer Don't need no Backstreet or no Boy-a Don't need no H.G. or no Roy-a I'm far away from you And every day I bleed So won't you tell me what I need... Doctor... Doctor... Doctor... Doctor Spoya?
15.
Okay, let's just set the scene in a hospital Mip... mip... mip... Frankel the mouse is there, on the bed Mip... mip... mip... I've forgotten everything In my little mouse-sized bed In a county hospital With a tiny bandage round my head You've just got a broken ankle Snap out of it, Frankel Images are coming back to me When I close my eyes I see How I got my injury 'Cause I attempted beastiality Frankel, it's your past you're seeing You tried making love to a human being Frankie, all the things you could have been That it's now impossible to be Now you'll never realise your dream To be a world champion at frisbee Ne-ne-ne-ne-nl, ne-ne-ne-ne-nl... Ne-ne-ne-ne-nl, neoww... Nl-nl-nl-nl-nl-nl... two handed... nl-nl-nl-nl-nl... Nl-nl-nl-nl-nl-nl... there's usually a really self-indulgent Kirk Hammet solo... Nl-nl-nl-nl-nl-nl-nl-nl-nl-nl-nl-nl... Yeah, but there's usually an instrument! That's true, there is Now I'm back in walking therapy And they're saying, "Bend your knee, Katie, bend your knee" But my name is not Katie And I'll never throw a fuckin' frisbee Luke Skywalker, look at him He saved the galaxy with a prosthetic limb Frankie, all the things you could have been That it's now impossible to be Now you'll never realise your dream To be a world champion at frisbee Memories flying at me Like plastic sperm on a really weird keyring It's my future I see A lonely life of writing parking fines But life is fine But Frankel, you're a mouse, don't be silly Even with all four limbs you couldn't play frisbee But Frankel, you will always have your dreams 'Cause anything is possible, you see...

about

As heard on Triple J Breakfast

credits

released October 21, 2002

Design Concept – Scott Edgar, Simon Hughes
Mastered By – Crystal Mastering
Photography By – James Penlidis
Written-By – Scott Edgar, Simon Hall, Steven Gates

Special thanks to Wil Anderson and Adam Spencer

Tracks 13-15 recorded live at the Prince Patrick Hotel

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all rights reserved

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