Songs from Self​-​Saucing

by Tripod

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Live Album featuring geek-sexual "Gonna Make You Happy Tonight" (XBOX song) and Peter Jackson-based diatribe "King Kong"

credits

released December 2, 2006

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Tripod Melbourne, Australia

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Track Name: Autistic
Now our garden's grown
Took so may years
We worked hard now we’re here
We have grown so strong
I could say anything to you right now
And it wouldn’t change a thing

I get the feeling you might be
Autistic
Just a little bit
Just a little tiny bit yeah
Autistic

The way that you speak
The things that you do
Make me think
That you don’t quite connect
With the outside world

It’s something that you wouldn’t even notice
If you didn’t know you well
But you and I have been in love so long
I know that I can tell you
You’re my beautiful
Slightly autistic girl

When you look at me
Do you see a man
Or just a stack of cylinders
Just a bunch of shapes

When people talk
Do you just watch their lips
And enjoy the patterns

I get the feeling you might be
Autistic
Just a little bit,
Just a little tiny bit,yeah
Autistic

It’s such a relief
I can finally say
And I know you know I love you
So you won’t take it the wrong way

Autistic, autistic
Autistic autistic
Oh girl

It’s ‘cause our love’s so true
I can say this to you
You should be thanking me
For my honesty
Where every wound has been
There grows a stronger flap of skin

I think we’ve reached a higher place
Now I’m looking at your face
It’s slightly big

I wonder if you have a bit of
Downs Syndrome
Just a little bit
I’m just thinking out loud here

Downs Syndrome

The size of your face
The space between your eyes
Your ruddy cheeks
And total trust of strangers
In the outside world

It’s something that you wouldn’t even notice
If you didn’t know you well
But you and I have been in love so long
I know that I can tell you
You’re my beautiful
Such a special girl
You’re my beautiful
Slightly special girl
You’re my beautiful

Why are you angry girl
Track Name: King Kong
Don’t get me wrong,
I love Jack Black
Adrian Brody is great
Naomi Watts is delightful, my friend
But I didn’t come here to see any of them

Get to the fucking monkey
Get to the fucking monkey
Get to the fucking monkey
Monkey

Don’t get me wrong
Don’t get me wrong
I love Lord of the Rings
Meet the Feebles was great
Heavenly Creatures I do recommend
But I didn’t come here to see any of them

Get to the fucking monkey
Get to the fucking monkey
Get to the fucking monkey

Andy Serkis is great in real life,
But he’s not who I paid my twelve bucks for
Don’t get me wrong
I’ve been here so long
And I haven’t seen Kong

It’s not brain surgery, is it? Why can’t it just be something like this? Opening credits, we’re in a boat, there’s an island in the distance. We hear a roar. It’s King Kong! He jumps on the boat and starts smashing stuff. End of Act 1. Act 2, the whole middle section of the film. Goes for about 10 minutes. Naomi Watts doing gymnastics. Act 3, New York. King Kong starts smashing stuff. There’s a short sex scene between King Kong and Naomi Watts. It’s tasteful though, it’s behind a screen. You just see it in silhouette. Suddenly, Roy Scheider appears. He throws a cylinder of oxygen into King Kong’s mouth and he shoots him and he explodes! The end.

Get to the fucking monkey
Get to the fucking monkey

Other films that would benefit from getting to the motherfucking monkey!
Gatesy: Titanic. Opening scene, iceberg! Smash, sinking, sinking, sinking, drown, Leo, drown! Roll credits.
Yon: Boogie nights. Opening credits. We see his cock. The end.
Scod: Star Wars Episode IV, A New Hope, original 1977 cinema release. Perfect, don’t change it.

Get to the fucking monkey
Get to the fucking monkey
Get to the fu
Get to the fu
Get to the fu
King Kong King Kong King Kong King Kong
Track Name: Tall Man
He’s just a tall man
With small aspirations
All he wants to do
Is see the band
Don’t give him grief
It’s my firm belief
He can stand
Where he wants to stand

He got here
When the doors opened
Found a good spot
Way before you
He doesn’t hate ya,
He’s just a freak of nature
He’s God’s joke
What else can he do

The cruel tentacles
Of the genetic heritage
Have wrapped themselves
Around his life
We shouldn’t despise him
We should just study him
Perhaps there’s a gene we can remove
So future generations
Can see the band

So don’t disrespect the beanpoles
The beanpoles are just like you and me
They mean no harm to others
They’re just music lovers
God made them badly
God made them badly
Track Name: Too many Remotes
All I wanna do
Is watch TV with you
But I’ve got too many remotes
In my life

Trying to watch a DVD
Which remote’s for the TV?
Do I have to press AV?
Or is the input DVD slash LD TV slash slash something
Oh, fuck!

What order do I have to turn things on
Why am I hearing channel 9
But seeing 31

They can put a man on the moon
But they can’t help me
It’s like I need Houston mission control
Just to watch The Simpsons on TV
When I have a house sitter come to stay
I have to set aside a whole day
To type a four page document
Briefing them on what to do

I’m so tired of all these buttons
Look at how complicated life has gotten
Too many remotes

Too many remotes
De-de-de-doo
Too many remotes
Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
Too many remotes
In my…
…Life
Track Name: Lingering Dad
Lingering dad
Half in the doorway
Lingering dad
Awkward and indecisive

Lingering dad
You're just standing there
And I'm doing my homework
You're freaking me out
Lingering dad
D'you have something to say
Either come in or go away

Lingering dad
Just do something
Clean up the garage I don't care

Lingering dad
You always just hover
I think it's mum's fault
She's so decisive
Lingering dad
You're an example of everything sad about men's role in society

Lingering dad
You don't know what your role is
Lingering dad
PISS OFF

Lingering dad you're freaking me out you're freaking me out
Lingering dad you're freaking me out you're freaking me out lingering dad.
Look I know you mean well lingering dad
You're just trying to be a good dad
But you don't know where to start
And I wish I could help you
But I'm just like you
You know we don't have a blueprint
We're completely at sea
Oh! Let's just go and watch M*A*S*H
Track Name: Theme from MASH Guy
I am the Theme from M*A*S*H Guy
My kids are the theme from M*A*S*H Guy’s kids
My sister is the sister of the guy who wrote
The theme from M*A*S*H

It’s all I ever did
It might be all I ever do
I sit in a room in a house
Built from the proceeds of the theme from M*A*S*H

It’s my legacy
I will always be
To everybody and to me
The guy who wrote the theme
From M*A*S*H

Whenever anybody does a version
Of the theme from M*A*S*H
They are legally required
To send me a copy
Of their version of the theme
From M*A*S*H

I spend all day listening
To recordings of versions of the theme from M*A*S*H
I’m building more shelving
So I can store the tapes of the recordings
Of the versions of the theme from
M*A*S*H

It’s my legacy
I will always be
To everybody and to me
The guy who wrote the theme
From M*A*S*H

And on every spine
Of every tape
On every shelf I see
The actual name
Of the theme from M*A*S*H
Is staring back at me
It’s Suicide is Painless
Maybe in retrospect
I should have called the song
The theme from M*A*S*H
Track Name: No Daughter of Mine
No daughter of mine
No daughter of mine
No daughter of mine
Is going to be an insatiable sexual dynamo!

No daughter of mine
Is gonna be a machine
No daughter of mine
Is going to make all the boys wildest fantasies come true
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na…

No daughter of mine
No daughter of mine
No daughter of mine
Huh!
Not while I’m alive
Not under my roof
No daughter of mine
Is going to be an electro-legged fuck-bunny from the future whose batteries never run out!
No daughter of mine
Is gonna blow your
Mind
Track Name: Forgive me Father
Forgive me father for I have sinned
Forgive me father for I have sinned
I think I might actually quite like
Shannon Noll’s new song
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

I’ve been having impure thoughts
I’ve been having impure thoughts
My mind is going around and round
With Shannon Noll’s new song
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

What will they think of me in Fitzroy
No no no
No no no

My son I’ve listened to many sins
My son I’ve listened to many sins
But never have I come face to face with
Pure evil
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

Your penance shall be
Lou Reed’s
Transformer
Ten listens

And also David Bowie
Late 70’s,
Berlin years

My laptop is back in the rectory
I’ve got some bootlegs from Glastonbury
I will burn you a new CD
A new CD
Track Name: Suicide Bomber
They used dogs on me
They used blindfolds
They embarrassed me in the nude
They gave shocks to me with electrodes
They deprived me of my food

They paraded me round the prison
Chained up to other men
And with every task
One question they asked
Over and over and over again
They said…

Aren't you the suicide bomber
Who blew up the bus last year
I say No” they say “Yes”
I say “You're not thinking it through
But they went off and thought up some new things to do

So they soaked me with cold water
And they left me there overnight
They put outlandish costumes upon me
And took photographs of my plight

They accused me of brutal behaviour
Whilst they kicked me in the balls
And with every task
One question they asked
Echoing off of the cold prison walls
They said…

Aren't you the suicide bomber
Who blew up the bus last year
I said No” they punched me
I said “Think logically,
And they said “You think logically
And I said “What

Psychological torture
Has cleared things right up for me
There's one thing I know
When they let me go
I will be the man that they want me to be

Yes I'll be the suicide bomber
I'll blow up a bus one day
And so will my son
And his son after that
And then some poor new guy
Will sit where I sat
And he will be forced to wear poo for a hat
And so on and so fucking forth,
Amen
Track Name: Gonna Make You Happy Tonight
Baby
Gonna make you happy tonight
Oh sugar
Give my love to you
Oh baby
Gonna make you feel so right
Oh sugar

Spend some time with you
Do the things you want me to
Gonna make love
Gonna make some sweet sweet love sugar
So get ready
Oh get ready get ready
Ready for loving tonight
Baby

Before we get down to love
Before we get down
I just gotta finish this level

I gotta high score tonight
I just gotta save my game
I'll be with you in a minute sweet baby
I love how you dance for me
But could you move a little to the left baby
I can't see the TV

Baby I can't wait till we start
Ooh
It's just that the save points are so far apart
In this game baby
But I do love you

Baby this bit's got multiplayer
Maybe you can operate a turret with me baby would you like that?
It's good cause
Games five you hand eye coordination
And spatial intelligence together with map reading skills
Oh sugar

Turn the lights down low
Lower lower
Turn the lights down low
Just a little bit lower
Turn the lights down low
It's just that it helps me feel like I'm in a spaceship
Then we can make some
Sweet sweet love honey
Sugar
Baby
Oo

You look so great to me baby
Have you brushed your teeth yet
Take your time
No hurry
It's just that I'm not tired
Are you tired
I'll see you in the bed then
You might want to take a book

Ooh you so fine baby
I can't stop thinking about you...and all the coins I have to collect
I just gotta find one secret area
Get one more ability point
And I'll make sweet love to you baby

I think this xbox
Is the best present I ever bought for you
Baby