Fegh Maha

by Tripod

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about

Fegh Maha is the fifth (and 1st double) album released by Tripod, and their second live album. It was nominated in 2004 for the ARIA category Best Comedy Release.

credits

released May 3, 2004

Fegh (tracks 1-10) was recorded live at the Prince Patrick Hotel, Melbourne, in August 2002.
Maha (tracks 11-21) was recorded live at the Hi-Fi Bar in Melbourne in April 2003 and at the Brisbane Powerhouse in May, 2003.
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Track Name: Rock Eisteddfod
Lai-lai lai lai lai lai lai lai
Lai lai-lai lai
Lai lai-lai lai
Lai-lai lai lai lai lai lai lai
Lai lai-lai lai
Lai lai-lai lai

There's a girl
We see each other every day
But I... I'm too shy
And I can't even bring myself to say

"Hello, how are you today
Lovely weather, by the way
If I was with you, I'd be happy to pay!"

Oh, for dinner, not... oh, fuck

She's so cute
She's got a little button head
And I try to be cool
But then I just trip over and nearly spew
I just can't find a way to
Let her know that I'll be true
So I know what I must do

I'm gonna win the Rock Eisteddfod
That's how I'm gonna win her hand
I'm gonna win the Rock Eisteddfod
And I'm a thirty-eight-year-old man

When I've won the Rock Eisteddfod
She won't leave me on the shelf
I'm gonna win the Rock Eisteddfod
Win the Rock Eisteddfod by myself
With no-one else
On stage by myself

My thematic concept
Will be a post-apocalyptic nightmare
Made of cardboard boxes
And foil taped to my stack hat

She'll be impressed
And my costume will be the best
When the curtain rises, I'll be dressed
In fluoro bike shorts and fur vest

I can see it now
We'll be the toast of Highpoint
She'll fall in love
With my mix of funky dance moves
And school spirit

And she'll finally let me near it
I'm a master of my art
That's the way I'll win her heart
For my school

I'm gonna win the Rock Eisteddfod
That's how I'm gonna win her hand
I'm gonna win the Rock Eisteddfod
And I'm a thirty-eight-year-old man

When I've won the Rock Eisteddfod
She won't leave me on the shelf
I'm gonna win the Rock Eisteddfod
Win the Rock Eisteddfod by myself

And as for music, I'll only choose it
If it's got a serious environmental message
I'll start with "Hungry Like The Wolf"
And then, "It's Raining Men"

I hope it works
I hope she falls in love with me
My backup plan
Is to leave these rookie amateurs behind

And I'll really blow her mind
And I'll build my Jazz Ballet rep
I'll go the logical next step

I'm gonna win the Eurovision
Be a star and make her see
Singing in a foreign language
Maybe then she'll understand me

When I've won the Eurovision
She won't leave me on the shelf
I'm gonna win the Eurovision
Then I finally won't be by myself
In rowboats by myself
On see-saws by myself
Eating two ice-creams by myself
Track Name: Krap Karate
Krap Karate
Krap Karate
Krap Karate
Krap Karate

It's not
Comin' to get ya

I'm trained in a special skill
To not look like I could kill
There's a poster on my bedroom wall
Of Steven Seagal
Krap Karate

I haven't studied, I never fight
I watch Buffy every night
If you pick on me, there won't be a threat
You'll only get
Krap Karate

My hands are lethal weapons
Provided I'm holding a gun
I'm registered with the Government
As a taxpayer

Such Krap Karate

Jackie Chan's got everything on me
Don't move over, Bruce Lee.
I could go at any moment
I'm a great exponent of
Krap Karate

Yee! Ho! Shing!

Yon:
(spoken) Hi, I'm Yon. An expert with a knife. A surgeon, a craftsman,
A master of the deadly blades. Silent death.

Yee! Ho! Shing!

Gatesy:
(spoken) Hi, I'm Gatesy...

Yon:
(spoken) - so silent, you don't hear a thing. It's just... whoosh-- uuuurgh. Well, actually, it would be more like... (pause)... uuuurgh. And at close quarters, I can use my knife silencer.

Gatesy:
Hi, I'm Gatesy. Demolitions expert. Master of C4, A4, and foolscap. And if we get into trouble, I can call for reinforcements - those circular adhesive labels. I can pick off any moving target, until they are... stationery! Really loud death!

Yee! Ho! Shing!

Scod:
(spoken) Hi, I'm Scod, seamstress.

Gatesy:
Hey! He makes the costumes.

Scod:
I told you they'd laugh.

Yon:
It's a very important role! All three of us, highly trained in the art of

Krap Karate

Late in the evenin' I'm havin' drinks with my girl
(Caf Latte...)
I'm her protector the great defender of her world
(After the party...)
She grabs my chest my pecs are burning with desire
And the hairs on my legs

(Spoken) -This call is being charged at $8.90 an hour

Jackie Chan's got everything on me,
Don't move over, Bruce Lee
Don't come any closer
Unless you want a dose of...
Krap Karate

Looks great in a mirror
Track Name: It's Okay
It's not as easy as it looks to do what we do
To be a hero and a role model to every young Australian.
To have the hopes and dreams of millions on our shoulders
To be the shining paragon of Western cultural achievement

I know it's hard to believe
It's actually us in the flesh and blood
But don't be overwhelmed, 'cause...

It's okay
You don't have to be scared
Come right up and touch us
It's okay

Please don't actually touch us
That was just an example
To demonstrate that we're human too

Gatesy:
(spoken) Ladies and Gentlemen, tonight, here, we're going to be asking you the big questions: Who are you? What are you acapable of? What is your PIN number.

Scod:
Important questions, people. The answers to which will go with you through life. Like the big one: Is it possible in life really, on every level, to truly succeed? Well look at us.

It's okay
Ooh, don't you know it's okay
You don't have to be...
You don't have to be scared.

Gatesy:
(spoken) You might be looking at us thinking: "What have they got that I haven't got? What's put them where they are to day? Was it luck?

Scod and Yon:
No.

Gatesy:
Was it self-belief?

Scod and Yon:
No.

Gatesy:
Was it talent?

Scod and Yon:
Fuck no!

Gatesy:
No, it was a rich aunt who pumped money into the act, week after week and asked for nothing in return.

Yon:
Nothing in return well I had to go to her house every Friday and smear Vegemite all over her...

Gatesy and Scod:
-La La La!

Yon:
Toast. Then I had sex with her. You all wanted it.

So as you leave this show tonight, think of your aura.
Will you buy a t-shirt?
Or a - CD?
Or a- video?
Or a - poster?
(Or a...)

Cherish your dreams
And like a flower, they will blossom
But don't tell anyone your dreams 'cause they sort of tend to trail off and be boring.

Scod:
(spoken) Ladies and gentlemen, all the way from the place where impersonations... near enough is good enough... Shaggy!

(It's okay.)

When I was a child
I dreamed of doing this
Well, not exactly this
But something similar

(It's okay.)

I'd try the Jazz Ballet
And calisthenics
And watch the videos
Of Annie Lennox
And so you ask me now
Why am I saying this?
I cannot tell you though
It is a secret.

(Yon trails off with largely unintelligible Shaggy voice)

Come right up and touch us
It's okay

Stay there, we'll bring it over
Close your eyes and put your hand out
To demonstrate that we're human like you and me
We're human like me
Track Name: Ugly Men With Beautiful Women
Oooo...
(Bup-ba-dup-bup-bup-bup-bup-bup...)
Oo-oo-oooo...
(Bup-ba-dup-bup-bup-bup-bup.)

Ugly men with beautiful women
You see it
All the time in the world today
Why is it
Ugly men are so attractive?
Women must look
Deep inside.

They know we're
All ugly inside
'Cause we're all guts and stuff
And bile ducts
And pancreatic juice

Yeah!

Oooo...
(Bup-ba-dup-bup-bup-bup-bup-bup...)
Oo-oo-oooo...
(Bup-ba-dup-bup-bup-bup-bup.)

Ugly men with beautiful women
Women can
See right past the ugly men's looks
Isn't it
Good to know women are morally superior
Wouldn't it be
Good if men were morally superior as well

Men and women are different
In many varied ways
Women wear dresses
Men wear dresses
We all wear dresses
And that's where babies come from

Gatesy:
(spoken) Sorry to be Mr Stoppity the Song Stoppity.

Scod:
Why did you stoppity the song?

Gatesy:
Just stoppity the song cos...that's not where babies come from.

Scod:
Ooh, look at me, I'm the one in the stripes. I know where babies come from.

Gatesy:
I do!

Scod:
Oo, I do!

Gatesy:
Y'know, everyone know where babies come from. When mummy and daddy love each other, very much.

Audience member:
It's a miracle.

Gatesy:
It's a miracle if they love each other.

Yon:
We don't do that kind of comedy.

Gatesy:
When they love each other very much, Daddy organises a special harness and fits it to the celiing. Mummy wears a pig mask, Daddy wears scuba gear. They put their favourite H.R. Puff 'n Stuff record on and it's on for young and old! Or young and/or old depending on the local laws. That's where babies come from.


Ugly men with beautiful women
Beautiful men with ugly women
Yeah
Beautiful men with beautiful women
Beautiful women with beautiful girls
Yeah
Gorgeous girls with beautiful ladies
Hot young chicks who can't get enough

I don't approve of Internet porn
It's so wrong, it's reprehensible
And it wastes your whole day
It wastes your whole day
Track Name: The Hot Dog Man
The hot dog man is packing up
He's putting all his sauces away
Scrapes the onion grease into a cup
To use again another day

Other hot dog men might re-use their cheese
But never this hot dog man
He whistles a tune and bobs his head
While sweeping out the floor of his van

The hot dog man once tried a line
In gelati and soft-serve treats
But they didn't last long in the bain-marie
In amongst the steaming meats

The sauce bottle nozzles clog up every day
He always is surprised by how much
A friend once suggested the sachets
But he prefers the personal touch

The hot dog man
The hot dog man

Gatesy:
(spoken) How beautiful is the hot dog man? Don't you love him? He just knows what life's about. It's the simple things, that's the lesson.

The hot dog man attends the normal events
Such as concerts and football games
Has his regulars at the stadium
He takes the time to learn all their names

Whilst he knows it's a professional relationship
He always asks about their lives
Says, "How are the kids? Is your Mum still well?
Hey, tell me when the baby arrives."

The hot dog man maintains his van
He works on it meticulously
He'd have it done by a mechanic
But who would take as much care as he

The hot dog man drops his daughter off
At ballet practice three times a week
He jokingly asks, "Am I a taxi?"
She laughs and smiles and kisses his cheek

The hot dog man

Gatesy:
(spoken) You gotta love the hot dog man, don't ya? Oh, he's just beautiful, I love him.

The hot dog man

Gatesy:
(spoken) I could sing about him all night. In fact, let's do that, yeah!

The hot dog man earns a modest amount
His overheads are more than you'd think
When you add up the cost of his "hobby"
Plus the wholesale price of the drinks

Gatesy:
(spoken) What's with "hobby", Yon?

The hot dog man has certain needs
Not all of which his wife can fulfill
He also has his favourite TV shows
The one he likes the most is "The Bill"

Gatesy:
(spoken) They're not the lyrics, can we...

The hot dog man knows his hardware
Has certain brands he tends to prefer
He's been fitting out his cellar
But he's not at all a wine connoisseur

The hot dog man drives his hot dog van
In circuits 'round the local reserve
He drives slowly, but not too slowly
And casual, so as not to unnerve

Gatesy:
(spoken) I don't like the hot dog man any more!

The hot dog man

Gatesy:
(spoken) The hot dog man's a bad hot dog man, isn't he, guys? Guys?

The hot dog man

Gatesy:
(spoken) What the fuck is going on!

The hot dog man has a coolroom
With independent power supply
Has a table on wheels and a light source
He performs his operations by

Gatesy:
(spoken) Operations!

The hot dog man's identity
Changes every now and again
For a time, he was a woman
Or at least he wore a woman's skin

Gatesy:
(spoken) No!

If you listen hard in the dead of night
Is that a scratching sound you can hear

Gatesy:
(spoken) I don't like this!

We use the word "evil" so liberally...

Gatesy:
(spoken) Stop. Stop the fucking song! Stop... the stop it.

Scod:
Whatthe
Gatesy:
What are you doing to the hot dog...

Scod:
What?

Gatesy:
What have you done to him?

Scod:
What do you mean, "done to him"?

Gatesy:
You've...

Scod:
There's a whole range of factors, it wasn't just us.

Gatesy:
No!

Yon:
Yeah!

Gatesy:
No!

Yon:
I mean, you know, it's a whole "nature versus nurture" issue, really.

Scod:
It is!

Gatesy:
It's just... no!

Scod:
He might have parental problems, who knows? Maybe he's just evil. We just don't know.

Gatesy:
He doesn't! He doesn't have to be evil, though!

Scod:
What are you talking about?

Gatesy:
No, he doesn't. Why can't... here's an idea... ooh, Gatesy! Why don't we... why don't we make the hot dog man a nice hot dog man again, eh?

Yon:
All right.

Gatesy:
You know, remember? Aha! Remember...

The hot dog man is packing up
He's... twisting all the ties on the bun bags
Umm... puts the ice bucket back in the freezer

... where he also keeps the human head

Gatesy:
(spoken) No!

Yon:
I like that!

Gatesy:
Oh...

Scod:
Come on... he's a multi-dimensional character, that's all.

Yon:
Come on, Gatesy - don't you think we're all the hot dog man deep down inside?a

Gatesy:
Noooo...

Scod:
It's about the complexity of human relationships... and knives.
Track Name: Kempt
My life was completely astrous when I met you
(Not "disastrous")
So gruntled with this life I thought I had
(Opposite of "disgruntled")
How could a love so perfect be so vincible?
(Not "invincible")
I could have sworn that you were scrutable
My judgement was so bad
("Bad", opposite of "unbad")

But you were kempt
So kempt
Everything about you was seemly
You were kempt
So kempt
Of course I'd be bedevilled
So gusting and so shevelled
Were you

It started out so wholesome, so pure
(Tell 'em about it...)
We engaged in speakable acts
(Nothing too saucy...)
Although we had hibitions, we were totally toward
(You should have seen it coming)
But I'd always had a tendency to underreact

Our love is defunct
When it once was funct
You debunked all the myths
You had previously bunked

When you were kempt, so kempt
Everything about you was seemly
You were kempt, so kempt
(Of course he'd be bedevilled)
So gusting and so shevelled
Were you

You always seemed so honest and so sidious.
(You were an angel.)
I checked your phone bill, it was full of crepancies
(Everything was in order! )
But I found out one evening, you'd been creet
(Aha! )
When you and your ex booked a motel, cognito

Your ex
Your ex
It was a personal attack
You were going out with prefixes
Behind my back

Gatesy:
(spoken) Look what's happened to the little fella now! His heart's completely roken. Though he does hang out with some serious lappers. You know the kind of lutty types.

Scod:
This song's not actally about just taking the first letter off words.

Gatesy:
What? I mean, hat?

Scod:
Gatesy this song's about...it's about prefixes alright? Like 'in' or 'ex' or if you find and 'un' in a word and you take that out.

Audience member:
Gunt (?)

Gatesy:
As in, you're not very... fny.

Scod:
Oh yeah. I think a better example is, you're a ct

Gatesy:
Hey!

Scod: Let's have another crack at it shall we?

He asked you questions, no more terrogation
He acted, and he dumped you straight away
You're free, enjoy your newfound carceration
You're the ex I'd always pected
I'll never member you again
You always derstood me anyway

You sent a liminal message
By cheating with your ex
But I just think you had
A feriority complex

But anyway, I've found someone else

And she is kempt, so kempt
Everything about her is seemly
She is kempt, so fucking kempt
Her Christian name is Ingrid
She lets me call her Grid
And she takes off her derpants for me!
Track Name: Keep Your Receipts
It seems like only yesterday
When my father sat me down, and said:
"Have a good gig at the Prince Pat tomorrow night."
It was actually this morning
And he got the dates confused
(My Dad... he's a fuckwit! )

I remember another time
When my father sat me down and said:
"The people in the row behind can't see."
I said, "Dad, we're on a bus,
And there's nothing much to see."
And he said,
"The landscape, son. The landscape."

When I reached a certain age
As all the young boys do
My body started changing
I grew another head
I had an operation
And I had that head removed
Which was fortunate 'cause at the time there was a shortage of head donors

My Dad took really good care of me
Sat by my side every day
When I started to recover
Dad told me I was old enough
To hear some of the things he had to say
Hey hey hey

My Dad said
"Son, you've turned out nice
You're old enough to hear my advice
You're a man now
And so I want to tell you what I know

"Son, keep your receipts
Keep your receipts
If money is a cash cow, then planning is the meat,
So son, keep your receipts
Keep your receipts

"Son, keep your receipts
Keep your receipts.
If life's a bog in Ireland, then wisdom is the peat
So son, keep your receipts
Keep your receipts."
Track Name: Fabian
You know, Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen
Comet and Cupid and Chopper and Nixon
But do you recall
The least famous reindeer of all?

Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian
Fabian, Fabian, this song's for you
Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian
Fabian, Fabian, this song's for you

This is the tale of a reindeer that nobody knows
Shoved down the back and largely ignored on account of a nasal disfigurement
Not unlike Rudolph in that sense
The hallmarks are almost the same
Instead of a red shiny nose that brought Rudolph his fame

Fabian had just a cavity

No nose at all
Just a big empty space
In the middle of his face
Just a couple of chambers

[Fabian: What are you looking at? D'ya want a piece of this?]

Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian
Fabian, Fabian, this song's for you
Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian
Fabian, Fabian, this song's for you

Abnormal snouts were surprisingly common in reindeer
Rudolph and Fabian both fell victim
To the elves and their cost-cutting measures
In keeping their overheads down
The elves fed the reindeer on reindeer.
And on top of that, the poor reindeer were also inbred

So Fabian had just... a cavity

Tripod: His hooter was lacking
Bugger all schnozz!
All this because
His dad was also his sister
Who he then ate.

[Fabian: This chicken tastes funny. Can I have some of yours?]

Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian
Fabian, Fabian, this song's for you
Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian
Fabian, Fabian, tragic but true

Disliked by his peers
This disfigured deer was alone
He watched from afar
As Rudolph the star
Would lead all the others back home

But before you get too sympathetic
There's another thing you should know
Sure, his nose was upsetting
But reindeer are not quite that shallow

'Cause Fabian was... a tosser

[Fabian What! ]

Not nice at all!

[Fabian: Argh, who ran out my batteries?]

An arrogant fool

[Fabian: I look good in this, don't I?]

A self-serving tool

[Fabian: I write my name on my stuff for a reason! ]

An absolute face-hole

Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian
Fabian, Fabian, no one likes you
Fabian, Fabian, Fabian, Fabian
Fabian, Fabian surgery won't fix the vortex
That is your black heart
Track Name: The Lonesome/Gregarious Cowboy
Oh-oh-oh, Oh-oh-oh-ohhhh


Roh! Roh!
Hee!
Roh! Roh!
YAHH!
Roh! Roh!
Hee!

Let me tell a story that was told one time to me, By people who had had it told to them. Tripod: By their fore-fathers...
And their four mothers.

t was a little eight person travelling troupe of story-telling parents
But that's not the focus of the tale.
What's important is the story of a stranger
Who came riding on his horse...
On a dusty trail.

He's embellishing by saying that it was a dusty trail
But I think it's pretty safe to assume
That the road-building methods of the time
Would have been quite crude
To say the least.

Yon: Actually, strictly speaking, to say the least would have been to do this... Yeh.

But you get the idea.

No one knew where he came from
No one knew who he was
But presumably his parents and a few childhood chums
Knew him.

Roh! Roh!
Hee!
Roh! Roh!

Gatesy: YAAH... I won't fucking do it!
Yon: No more!
Gatesy: It's just a little act of mine!

He rode a horse, a great black steed
And Spirit was his name
The horse's name, not the bloke
The finest gambler in the county
He broke all the ladies' hearts
I'm still talking about the horse.

The man rode round performing acts that may have broke the law
Or angered someone in some other way
So subsequently he was inevitably caught up with
By some state- or county-appointed figure of authority
Or local strong man

Gatesy: Roooooar!

Scod: (To Gatesy) Or fuckhead.
Gatesy: (To Scod) Unnecessary.

One fateful day
Or night

Brought before a judge or jury
He may have been put to death
Or he may have escaped In some exciting way
Or boring way
Like a legal loophole

There he goes
Riding into the sun
He dissolves into a vapour as he nears the burning orb

Or maybe it's just a metaphor.

(They argue about the possibilities of this for a while, then conclude...)

Yes, definitely a metaphor!

(Gatesy rides his horse while they sing...)

Tripod: Oo-oh-oh, Oh-oh-oh-ahhhh...

(Yon makes various animal and bird sounds in the background)

YAH!
Track Name: Let's Take A Walk
Let's take a walk, my love
Down by the river, my baby
Down where we used to go
Until the day when we found that body

Please don't forget, my love
It was our favourite spot once
Please don't let one bloated corpse ruin all our memories

I know you slipped down a muddy embankment
And landed on a rotting body
Please don't let that spoil that place for you
Cause don't forget we kissed there too

(Come on, baby, get over it.Our love so much better than that dead body. I'd hate to think our relationship hung by a thread of whether we saw a body or not. Hey, I kept a momento. It's the stick we poked it with. Oh come on baby!)

All the memories were fantastic
Except for one guy wrapped in plastic
Down where we used to go until the day when we found that body
Track Name: Stuntman
Being on television Is a dream come true
I love to be the centre of attention
Wouldn't you?

I got to be a superhero
I got to be a singer in a band
But it's not quite perfect
Living in TV land

'Cause my stuntman
Is a woman

Out of the entire Stunt community
A woman was the one who had the closest
Body shape to me

When all the action starts
I just sit and stew
'Cause they get a girl to do the things
That I'm too wussy to do

'Cause my stuntman
Is a woman

Did I mention that my
Stuntman
Is a woman

The stunts they get her to do
Aren't even that stunty
If he needs a stuntman to stand on a box
It's a bit affronty

There was this one scene
Where I get hit by a truck
But they didn't even use her

They used a dummy
Of a woman

This situation
Was not part of my plans
She soaks up all the glory
While I'm sitting alone in the van

'Cause it takes a woman
To make me look like a man
Track Name: Target
Does anyone here find those Target ads arousing
When the target logo
Turns into some boobs
Track Name: On Behalf Of All The Geeks
On behalf of all the geeks
I'd just like to say
I've been telling you all along
That 'Lord of the Rings' was cool

I told you so many times
(He told you!)
I told you so many ways!
(Yes, he told you!)
I wore a cloak to school
Well, who's laughing now?
(Ha ha ha ha ha)

Now you'll all do as I did
You'll name your first child 'Bilbo'

But don't try and catch up now
It's too late to make amends
You were far to busy with girls and cars and sports
And friends
Track Name: Trees
The trees are dying
I'd hate to be a tree in this new century
The trees are crying
I'd hate to have whats down to a tree done to me

'Cause they cut them down, and turn them into wood
They r*pe entire forests for the corporate good
A million awful things are done trees
But worst of all

Trees get chained to hippies
Trees get chained to hippies

(Free the trees!)
I'd rather have a squirell store his nuts in me
Help! I'm chained up to a hippie
(Free the trees)
Smokin' dope right near me
(Free the trees)
Not offering me any
(Free the trees)
Playin' Bongo's badly
Track Name: Ghost Ship
See the lonely township,
Peacefully sleeping,
The sun hides once again behind the sea,
Most are simply dreaming,
Of angel kisses

(kissing noises)

Butterflys

(screetching noise)

But sinners can't escape so easily

The murderers, the thieves and the fruadulant
The overweight, the working class, the foreigners
They all must beware, for whats that looming there?
An evil spectre on the sea

Wow ghost ship
Ghost Ship
Ghost ship, coming to get them
Ghost Ship, sinners beware
Ghost Ship, ain't no escaping
The ghost ship coming there

(high pitched toot-toot)

Scod:
What was that?

Yon:
It was the ghost ship
(does toot-toot noise again)

Scod:
No man its got to be really scary.

(Yon does a deeper toot-toot)

Scod:
No really disturbing.

Yon:
Oh... milky discharge

Scod and Gatesy:
Ewww... yeah thats better

Its masts are made of piled up skulls
its deck is made of human nuts
its sails are made of sailor skins
its guts are made of... well guts

Its a feat of engineering

I wonder who built it
I wonder who built it too

Gatesy:
Out in the night
Under the ocean stars
I was standing with my baby on the boardwalk
And the ghost ship was there

I took her to the pictures
Then I took her home,
Then I took her to heaven
If you know what i mean

Scod:
Umm... I don't want to stop it or anything but I am going to go with some of the chuckles from the audience out there and suggest that a few of these punters have spotted the same inconscitencies in this song as I have. Um, when did this song become about some woman?

Gatesy:
Well I kinda figured that the guys love all the evil ghost ship, scary demonic muah boogyman kinda stuff. But as soon as you start to talk about love, now you've got the ladies listening. Because the ladies want to imagine that they are making love to the singer.

Scod:
What?

Gatesy:
Nah I read it in Rolling Stone go with me on this... 1 and 2 and 3,4

Ghost Ship

Gatesy:
My baby kisses like a ghost ship
I touch my baby on her ghost ship
My trousers are bursting

Scod:
Alright, alright, just a minute here. I touch my baby on her ghost ship? Where exactly is a woman's ghost ship?

Gatesy:
Don't you know?

Yon:
I don't think he knows! Anyway, anyway I cant believe I am saying this but i think that he is onto something. But you may be coming in a little too fast, now if you want to do this love thing you have got to create a bit of a mood. You have to get inside the head of a female girl, tell them what they want to hear. Can I give you an example?

Ghost Ship
Expressing my feelings
Ghost Ship
Being a good listener
Ghost Ship
A thoughtful companion

Scod:
I dont even know what this song is about anymore.

Gatesy:
It's like foreplay

Yon:
Yeah

Scod:
No! Its not about foreplay, its about a horrible spectral ship that comes and gets sinners.

Gatesy:
What are they wearing?

Scod:
No! There is no focus, if there is a woman on it then its because she is a sinner. Do you get it? Right?

The woman is a sinner,
she is going to be dragged away

Gatesy:
But not before I bone her on the boardwalk
Till the morning comes

Yon:
I bought a sentimental card
With flowers and a pink design

Scod:
She'll be torn apart by demons

Gatesy:
While she is touching my buns

Ghost Ship
Yon:
A thoughtful companion

Ghost ship

Scod:
Den of the damned

Ghost Ship

Gatesy:
Overtly Sexual

Scod:
Murderous

Yon:
Empathy

Gatesy:
Nude

Scod:
Banshees

Yon:
Thoughtful

Gatesy:
ASS

Ghost Ship
Track Name: Someday The Lord
Someday the Lord's gonna take me away from here
He'll take away all my misery and fear
And He'll take me up to see a better place
And the times we'll have will be completely ace
And He'll say, "Go to sleep, my son,"
Yes, He'll be like a Dad to me
But a Dad with magic powers
'Cause He's the Lord

Someday, the Lord's gonna meet me at a party
And He won't say, "You don't remember my name, do you?"
He won't embarrass me or put me to shame
He'll just be graceful and repeat His fucking name
And I will say to Him, "It's nothing personal,"
And He will understand
'Cause He's the Lord

Someday, the Lord's gonna like the movie Tron
And He won't laugh at me because I like it too
And He'll go with me to Tron marathons
And we'll dress up like Tron and buy Tron merchandise
And we'll hunt autographs together
And He'll let me stand next to Tron
And He'll take the photograph
'Cause He's the Lord

For the Lord is a powerful man
He can get you what you need
He can have you resurrected
He can get you some shit hot weed

Someday, the Lord's gonna find me a lovin' girl
He'll set us up with a mansion and a trust fund
And we won't have to do anything all day
We won't have to work, or even have to play
We'll be completely free of cares
We'll be suspended in a tank
And He will feed us through a tube
'Cause He's the Lord

I don't ask much from the Lord
But I ask to be fed through a tube
Track Name: I Always Get Into Stuff
I always get into stuff
Just as it's finishing being cool
I'm never quite brave enough
To take a chance on something new
That's for someone else to do
Woo ooh ooh

I'm never too far behind
I follow the trends
But I never take any risks
I'm not ahead of the pack
I'm just with the pack
Towards the back

I know all about moshing
You do it in pits
I'm really quite the Pearl Jam fan
I just bought their Greatest Hits
I'm thinking of getting a nose ring
Now that I've seen one on Neighbours
Wo-o-oah

I always get into stuff
Just as it's finishing being cool
I've got a Razor scooter out the back
Which I bought in 2002
Woo oo oo
Woo oo oo oo

Taking a chance
That's just not for me If there's four levels of cool
Then I'm at Level 3
It goes freakishly cool people first
Cool people next
Then there's me
And then my mum

I never try to set the trend
Coz I've been hurt before
The only time I went out on a limb
It didn't work out for the best
A bandana round my chest
Over a vest

I always get into stuff
Just as it's finishing being cool
Taking such big fashion risks
That's for rockstars to do
You can afford to wear whatever you like
When you get that much poontang
Do you like that word - poontang?
I think it's pretty cool - what do you think?
Me neither
Track Name: My Best Friend's Comin'
My best friend's comin
And my girlfriend's back
My best friend's comin
And my girlfriend's back

My best friend's comin
And my girlfriend's back
My best friend's comin'
On my girlfriend's back
Track Name: Maryanne
Yon:
Her name was mary anne
She made him feel like a man
Im not saying that he felt like a man

He didn't want a man. He liked them as friends. But he didn't "feel like" a man in the same way you feel like having an icy pole.
Its alright, i know what to do, if u could just start from the top.

Her name was nicole
She made him feel like a hole

Scod:
Feel like a hole?

Yon:
It has to rhyme with nicole

Scod:
Just use her actual name. We'll find a rhyme for it.

Gatesy:
What's her actual name?

Yon:
Magina. Hit it!"

Gatesy:
I've got one for Maryanne.

Her name was Maryanne
She made him feel like a man
But she didn't even know he existed
But oh whenever she walked past
His heart would stop..

Scod:
So he was dead before they even got started
Coz his heart had stopped when he caught sight of her
It was death at first sight
They never made it one night

Gatesy:
He didn't fucking die! alright? He didn't die.

Scod:
You said his heart had stopped, what is he? The undead?

Gatesy:
No no no no

Scod:
i don't know what else im sposed to do.

Gatesy:
No...he's not un....undead

Scod:
Is he doomed to walk the earth and be in a shit song?

Gatesy:
That's MY fucking life, now you play

Her name was mary anne
She had the body of a godess
And the face of an angel
Every mans desire
She set his world on fire..

Scod:
So they were all dead before they even got starte
Because the world caught fire in an incentuary disaster

Join in if you know the words

Gatesy:
Shut...the...fuck...up Scod!
Shut...the...fuck...up
Shut...the...fuck..up
Shut the fuck up!!"

Scod:
You said the world had caught fire!

Gatesy:
It's a metaphor!

Scod:
I reckon my mum could beat your mum in a fight.You know that?

Gatesy:
My dad could beat your mum in a fight.

Scod:
You suck and so does your mum.

Gatesy:
Hey, hey, hey, hey. hey. say what you like about my mum, leave me out of it.

Yon:
I reckon i can fix this song up, by the way. Maryanne? Just play, and i'll sing and it'll be good.

Her name was maryanne
She was searching for a man
Her silhouette was unmistakable
She stood out in a crowd
She had a shapely head
And a long flowing nose

She was hideous
A walking disaster
A craggy crone
A picture of disgust

She caught his eye

Scod:
And returned it promptly
He was glad that she could catch it
But they couldn't re-attatch it
He was blinded for all time

So they lived happily
Because he couldn't see
That she was so ugly

Yon:
I'm glad it wasn't me
And they lived happily
Track Name: Urine Town
Just another happy day in Urine Town,
There's nothing to damp your mood or get you down
In Urine Town.

We don't have problems
That we can't work out
Wee, wee, wee
In Urine Town

Scod:
Excuse me, sir, can you direct me to the theatre? I came all the way from Pissburgh, and I'm going to make it big! I'm going to write my name on every wall in town!

Gatesy:
You might as well go home, son
You might as well go home
The urine factory's closed
And you (mutters incomprehensibly)

Scod:
What was that last bit, Mister?

Gatesy:
You might as well go home, son...

Scod:
Yeah, yeah, sir, I heard that.

Gatesy:
There used to be a steady stream of gold here
Now it's just wet and cold here
Since the urine factory closed down

Scod:
Hey sir, but excuse me, what is wrong with you?

Gatesy:
I'm really pissed.

Scod:
Oh, fine. Well, you sound like Yon doing an impression of Tom Waits.

Yon:
I couldn't help but overhear your conversation.

Scod:
And who are you, Mister?

Yon:
I'm the guy who tells you about the town meeting.

Scod:
Oh!

Yon and Gatesy:
(Assorted people talking at once)

Order! Order!

It's all gone to piss here in Urine Town,
It's all gone down the drain.
Nothing gets passed here in Urine Town.
What are we gonna do?

Gatesy:
I know! We might as well go home...

Scod:
Oh, shut up, will ya Mister! Order!

Gatesy:
Order! Order!

Scod:
The mayor wants to speak.

Yon:
Everything might stink here in Urine Town
But if we all pull together as a team
We can kick another goal here in Urine Town
We can push through the pack here in Urine Town
It's not over 'till the siren goes in Urine Town...

Yon:
Yes, but what are we going to do?

Scod:
Oh, excuse me. I have an idea!

Gatesy:
Don't listen to him, he's from Pissburgh.

Scod:
But wait, listen. Hear me out. We don't need the urine factory. We can make our own urine!

(Sounds of disagreement) That's preposterous! Surely not!
Yon:
(Female voice) Wait! Wait! I believe in him.

Scod:
She was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. Skin as white as porcelain, eyes as blue as the bluest water you can imagine.
A handy duck-shaped neck, perfect for all those awkward, hard-to-reach spots. I felt that I'd pissed my life against the wall until this moment. So come on, everyone! Pull down your pants! We can all put in our share! This town's destiny is in our own hands!

The future's bright and clear in Urine Town...

Scod:
So the town shook off the yoke of corporate oppression.

Yon and Gatesy:
You can hear for miles around the hissing sound

Scod:
And pissing became something that everyone did.

In Urine Town...

Scod:
And I married that girl.

In Urine Town